If You Can’t Shake a Feeling, This Might Be Why
The hidden patterns shaping how you think, feel & react
We were walking a trail, the early spring afternoon sun casting long shadows ahead of us. My friend had recently come out as non-binary and was sporting a new, gender-affirming haircut.
It was the kind of glow-up that makes you do a double take and say, damn, you look good.
So I snapped my fingers & said: “You’ve got it going on, girl.”
The moment the word ‘girl’ left my mouth, I realised.
I stopped in my tracks, glanced at my friend, wide-eyed, as if to say, Oh my God, my stupid brain, grrr!
And then, we laughed.
They knew I meant no harm. I knew I meant no harm.
Still, inside, my mind started to spiral.
But because I know my personality type, I also know that shame is its default setting; which means I don’t have to react to it.
I knew I had made a simple mistake. I also knew my friend didn’t need me to fall apart over it. But there it was, that shaming inner voice:
You should have gotten that right.
You’re a bad friend.
They probably think you’re not even trying.
Before I understood myself, I would have reacted to that voice.
I would have over-apologized. I would have gotten flustered, scrambled to prove my good intentions and in doing so, I would have made that moment about me.
And furthermore, it would have shifted an emotional burden onto my friend; forcing them to reassure me about slipping up when, in reality, they were fine.
But because I know my pattern, I did something different.
I let myself acknowledge my ‘pet’ shame without reacting to it.
I tolerated it without offloading it.
And I trusted that my friend saw my intention instead of scrambling to prove it.
And because of that, the moment got to stay light. It got to stay about them feeling good & me celebrating with them.
A small blip in a bigger, more important truth: that I love my friend and that my support is real, not performative.
That’s what this week’s podcast is about
how knowing your personality type, using the wisdom of the Enneagram, allows you to navigate the world (and your emotions) with more skill, less self-doubt & fewer unnecessary spirals.
Because when you truly understand your personality, when you recognise its quirks and patterns without letting them rule you, you don’t have to become your reaction.
You can witness it, hold it, and next time, choose something better.
✨ Do the Work: Discovering Your Personality Blueprint. (Paid Subscribers Only)
Understanding your personality type is like being handed a map of your own mind—it doesn’t define you, but it sure does help you navigate your tendencies with more skill and self-awareness.
Below, you can access guidance & resources that will help you Unlock deeper self-awareness.