When You Want To Give Up
Grief, Surrender & Opening To Grace
I didn’t know what I was carrying the first time I walked The Pollagh Trail, a 3km loop not far from my home.
The day was bleak, much like my mood and it was raining sideways.
I was aching. In my body, in my heart, in my whole life, really. Everything felt heavy and hard. And I was tired of holding it.
So when my ankle buckled and I was thrown to the ground, I did what I had been trying not to do for months:
I roared.
I wept like a child.
I raged at the sky and spat into the rain.
There was nothing I could do.
There was only surrender.
And then, a stranger appeared.
Not to rescue me.
Not to shame me for my collapse.
But to put a gentle hand on my shoulder and breathe with me.
When he asked if I would like to walk with him back the way I had come, I almost said yes.
But instead I asked how far into the the trail I was. When he told me I was about halfway, I declined his offer and decided to keep going.
That walk became a metaphor for everything recovery has asked of me:
To seek out paths I don't already know.
To trust they will lead me back home.
To receive the kindness of strangers I will meet along the way. [in recovery, we call them, ‘god with skin on’]
I have thought about that stranger many times since.
And how Grace sometimes shows up not to fix things, but to steady us long enough to catch our breath, recommit to the journey and keep going.
Even when it hurts.
Especially when it hurts.
Keep going, pilgrim.
You might be closer than you think.
If this resonates with you, today’s podcast episode of The Road Back Home tells the full story of my encounter with that stranger.
Join me as I take you on a real-time walk through the Irish countryside with my newly adopted dog Molly 🐾
Recorded on a quiet bóithrín in Co Tipperary, this episode invites you into an immersive sensory experience to reconnect with the natural world; and yourself.
🎧 Listen here 👇🏼
P.S
If you’re walking your own muddy trail right now, I’ve put together some bonus content for paid subscribers.
Inside, you’ll find:
Photos I took on the trail that day
Me reciting a poem I wrote, inspired by the experience [video]
A meditative walk through a local fairy trail [video]
And a journal prompt to help you reflect on your own journey when the path gets hard.
🔒 Upgrade below to unlock it all.