Welcome to the Pleasure Dome
A report from my evening wind-down routine and an invitation to explore what pleasure actually means
I’m wearing the freshly laundered, new ‘luxury’ pyjamas I gifted myself on Terry’s behalf for Christmas.
Under these, I am wearing a luxurious slathering of the whipped body butter I gifted myself for my birthday back in October.
I massaged it thoroughly into my skin.
I’m nice & chilled now, still soaking in the after glow of having enjoyed a hot bath & a soapy foot massage prior to that.
Before any of this, I was eating dinner this evening when the thought occurred to me that I would drive to the shop, get chocolate and then get into a blanket fort bed and just…check out for the night.
I noticed the thought and the ease with which it almost passed the vibe check.
But my newly appointed pleasure-dome bouncer noticed, checked it’s creds at the door and declined admission, passing a note on to the administrator of my parts that ‘The usual imposter is trying to get in again’.
Admin read the note and instructed me to check-in instead.
If pleasure is what my imposter was trying to smuggle past coat check, then let it be conscious. explicit, sacred, unapologetic.
Let it be the real thing. I’m tired of settling for it’s surrogates.
And that’s what I want to invite you into this week, mo chara. A meditation on something you might be experiencing right now or lately as a ‘pull’ and what might be behind it.
For me, the ‘pull’, is pleasure. For you, it might be safety, it might be ease. It might be connection. That’s for you to figure out.
Checking out with chocolate in bed, for me, is not pleasure. Not any more. It is an escape hatch, a portal, a trick, - a way I distract & remove myself from something that either is or that I’m anticipating will be, unpleasant.
In this case, namely - it’s simply ending my day.
Ending anything [except that which I experience as ‘unpleasant’], is not an easy task for me. Neither is beginning, as it turns out.
Why?
Inertia: a property that explains why motion changes are hard to initiate or stop.
Shifting. Adjusting. Switching modes has always, always been a problem for me.
And a way I overcome it, is with bribes. Chocolate is a bribe, it releases dopamine [but which only lasts as long as I’m consuming the chocolate, the minute it ends, so does the illusion of ‘pleasure’]
I have many ways I bribe myself. Chocolate is just one and it’s one that just isn’t working for me anymore in the sense that it actually BLOCKS me from taking pleasure in other [more important as it turns out] ways; ways which I have dismissed and neglected, because society or culture or whomever told me it was shallow to take pleasure in these ways.
And God forbid an enneagram 4 risk being perceived as shallow - moi? Please.
Anyhoo, so I opted not for the head fake, but for something more sustainable, better value. A series of actions that release good feelings of pleasure and pleasantness; bath, skincare, pajamas, laying out tomorrows clothes & make up, hot water bottle, incense, tea.
And writing this piece for you.
Because my intention for this year is pleasure. And to discover that what actually pleases me isn’t what I thought it was; and that an unmitigated relationship with pleasure, is so much more accessible to me now, than it has been for me, probably ever but definitely since I initiated the biggest and most world altering change of my life, by having my malfunctioning gastric band aspirated, exactly 10 years ago this very week.
Reintroducing Pleasure After Years of “The Work”
For the last decade; through getting sober, through therapy, through all the healing and course-correcting, my focus has been on doing the work.
Absolutely Necessary. Absolutely Essential.
But now I’m at a point of replenishment.
I’m asking: Can I reintroduce pleasure consciously? Sustainably? Without it being a numbing mechanism?
This is interesting territory for someone with a history of addiction. Anything that gives me pleasant feelings and / or pleasure, automatically flags that thing. I try not to pathologise, but instead to proceed cautiously and consciously, with honesty and awareness.
My relationship with pleasure used to be about avoidance. About numbing unpleasantness.
Now I’m exploring: What if pleasure were something I sanctioned, actively celebrated & indulged in?
What Actually Gives Me Pleasure
Not just physical acts. What actually pleases me? Like on a spiritual level? What experiences can I create which are pleasant? Which fill me with genuine pleasure?
Like spending time with my infant niece over Christmas. When my brother & his wife thanked me for babysitting, my response was: “It’s my pleasure.”
Because it was.
I’m still dining on the pleasure I took in gathering supplies, setting up and facilitating a group family activity where everyone paired up around the kitchen table & painted each other’s portraits on New Year’s Eve - our first one together in over 30 years.
It’s a pleasure for me to guide people through choosing skincare products and treatments through my new job.
To coach people who engage my services, show up for themselves week after week to address their issues and learn a different way.
It’s a pleasure for me to share experiences I enjoy; taking someone for their first sauna, or sound bath. To recommend a book or an album, to introduce someone to something new that they might love.
I’m learning that I can prioritise time spent with people and in contexts that are pleasant and pleasurable. And I can limit time spent where it’s not.
This may be the most obvious thing to some, but to me, it feels revolutionary.
For Paid Subscribers
Behind the paywall:
Photos from Christmas (plus a video of our portrait reveals - one in particular, was priceless - we laughed so much)
The full journaling exploration on “pulls”
First monthly live journal session gathering details for 2026