The Real Reason You're Still Exhausted
(And It's Not What You Think)
A companion piece to this week's Road Back Home episode
Yesterday, my podcast guest didn't show up.
Could have been annoying. Could have thrown off my whole week. Instead, it became the perfect opening to share something I've been dying to tell you but wasn't quite ready to reveal.
Here's the thing: You've been trying to solve the wrong problem your entire life.
You think the problem is your partner who won't change. Your weight that won't budge. Your boss who doesn't appreciate you. Your bank account that won't grow fast enough.
Plot twist: The real problem is believing that your happiness depends on fixing any of those things.
The Magical Thinking Trap
I call it "magical thinking" - that unconscious belief that when this external thing changes, then I'll finally be happy.
When my partner finally gets their act together...
When I lose these 40 pounds...
When I get that promotion...
When the kids move out...
When I find the right house/city/job...
Then… I'll have peace.
I know this trap intimately because I've lived in it. I lost 100 pounds twice in my life - and was still miserable both times. The anxiety, self-hatred and emotional terror that accompanied me the whole way there?
It got worse once I reached my "goal weight."
That's when I learned what Jim Carrey meant when he said he wished everyone could get exactly what they think they want, just so they could see it doesn't actually solve the internal stuff.
Why Your Brain Loves This Trap
Magical thinking feels productive. It gives us a target, an imagined way out of our suffering, something to do. The problem is, it puts our happiness in someone else's hands - or in circumstances we ultimately can't control.
We exhaust ourselves trying to be God, essentially. Trying to orchestrate outcomes that aren't ours to orchestrate.
And here's the kicker: We do this because we've never been taught what we actually CAN control.
A Method That Changes Everything
Here's what I learned from recovery programs that helped millions of people find serenity:
The solution isn't magic. It's a method.
That method? Learning to accept what you cannot change, find courage to change what you can and developing the wisdom to know the difference.
Sound familiar? It should. It's called the Serenity Prayer.
But here's what most people miss: This isn't just for people in recovery from substances. This is for anyone addicted to control - which, let's be honest, is all of us.
But the relief you feel when you stop trying to control the uncontrollable? That's your nervous system finally exhaling.
What's Coming
In 10 days, I'm launching something I've been working on for 5 years (honestly, 16 years if you count the very first iteration).
It's called The Serenity Project.
It's a bridge between recovery wisdom and everyday life. You don't need to qualify as an "aholic" to access these tools, you just need the desire to be happy and free.
Because here's what I know: Your happiness isn't selfish. It's service.
Just as hurt people, hurt people. Happy people help people.
The greatest gift you can give to a world that's hurting is your own healing.
The Question That Changes Everything
And so for now, I invite you to sit with this question:
Where in your life are you waiting for a miracle instead of using a method?
Notice where your body fills with fear when you imagine stopping the thing you're doing to try to control that situation.
That fear? That's the real work. Fear is not a truth you have to face, it’s a story you get to change.
But also notice: Is there any relief that surfaces when you imagine surrendering that fear?
That relief is telling you something important.
Ready to stop exhausting yourself on the wrong things? The Serenity Project opens for registration August 14th.
🔒 Behind the Paywall: A Quick Win
For paid subscribers: A practical tool to start shifting out of magical thinking today
