How To Make A Decision
Without Going Round In Circles.
Companion to podcast episode: "I Can Do Anything Because I did That, With Emer Halpenny”
I see it happen every time. I'm coaching someone, and I ask them a question. Not really a question, more of an invitation to consider something. And instantly, like a reflex, they disappear.
Where do they go? Up into their heads.
I watch their eyes glaze over as they engage in mental gymnastics. Their mind becomes a computer running codes:
What do I know about X, Y and Z?
What would my mother say?
What's the logical choice?
What are the pros and cons?
It's busy work. Exhausting work. And most of the time, it gets them exactly nowhere.
The Problem With ‘Mind Voice’
Here's the thing about trying to reason your way to the right decision: your mind is working with incomplete information. Old data. Stories that might not even be true anymore.
Your mind loves to present itself as the expert, but it's actually more like an overconfident intern with limited access to the files.
It doesn't know what your soul knows. It can't feel what your body feels. It's running calculations based on what should work, not what will work, for you.
When my friend Emer Halpenny made the decision to place her son for adoption thirty-six years ago, she wasn't doing mental arithmetic. She didn't weigh pros and cons.
If you listen to this week’s episode of The Road Back Home podcast, you’ll hear Emer saying that “a voice just landed” in her & said:
"What do you think you're doing?
You know this is not for you. Put that baby down."
No reasoning. No negotiation. Just knowing.
And that decision, made from a place deeper than logic, became the foundation of her strength for everything that followed.
Interrupting The Pattern
This is what I do when I'm coaching someone and I see them disappearing into analysis mode: I interrupt.
"Stop. Come down into your body."
Then I get them to pull out the two sheets of paper I send all my clients. One lists feelings. One lists needs. And I ask them to run their finger down each sheet slowly, noticing what their body responds to.
Not what their mind thinks is reasonable. What their body actually feels.Trust it. It will tell you - the same way it tells you where it wants to sit when you walk into a restaurant, or get on a bus.
Because your body holds information your mind doesn't have access to. Your nervous system has been taking notes this whole time about what feels safe, what creates tension, what opens you up, what shuts you down.
The Difference Between Fear-Voice and Knowing-Voice
I've made decisions both ways, and I can tell you: there's a felt difference.
Fear-voice decisions come with a heaviness. A sense of forcing. Of talking yourself into something.
There's often a frantic quality, like you need to decide quickly before you change your mind.
Fear-voice says things like: But what if I don't? What will people think? I should want this. Normal people would choose this.
Knowing-voice decisions land differently. There's a settledness, even when the choice is difficult. A sense of rightness that doesn't require explanation.
Knowing-voice is often quieter than fear-voice, but it's also more solid. It doesn't argue with itself.
As I told Emer on the podcast: I've made decisions in obedience to the voice of fear and those are also the decisions I regret.
I'm still working on self-forgiveness for choices I made that served only my ego, my loneliness, my shame, but not my actual well-being.
The decisions I made from knowing? Those became sources of strength, even when they were hard.
The Simple Shift That Changes Everything
When you catch yourself spinning in mental loops about a decision, try this simple interruption:
Stop. Come down into your body.
Put your hand on your chest or belly. Feel your feet on the ground. Take three slow breaths.
Then ask: "What does my body know that my mind is missing?"
This isn't about abandoning logic entirely, it's about gathering all the information before you decide. Your body has been taking notes this whole time about what feels right and what doesn't.
Knowing Doesn't Always Come With Language
Here's something important: embodied knowing often doesn't come with a rational explanation. You might know something is right for you without being able to defend why to others, or even to yourself.
Emer couldn't explain why placing her son for adoption was the right choice. She just knew.
The Voice That's Trying to Land
I'm curious: What voice is trying to land in you that you're not listening to?
What decision are you trying to think your way through that might actually require you to feel your way through?
Where are you demanding rational explanations for truths that live deeper than logic?
Your body knows things your mind hasn't figured out yet. Your nervous system has been collecting data about what works for you and what doesn't. Your gut has wisdom your brain can't access.
The question isn't whether you have inner knowing. The question is whether you're willing to come down from your head long enough to hear it.
Amanda x
🔒 Do The Work - Inside today's paid section:
The Body's Decision-Making Process
From Feelings to Needs to Clear Action
If you're tired of mental loops and ready to access your embodied wisdom, this practice will help you:
✔️ Decode Your Body's Messages: Learn to distinguish between true feelings and interpretations, using the body as your guide instead of your mind's stories.
✔️ Identify Your Actual Needs: Discover the difference between needs and strategies using the PLATO framework.
✔️ Create Authentic Solutions: Once you know what you actually need, engage your mind creatively to find strategies that genuinely serve your wellbeing.