Life got really messy for a bit (career stuff, health stuff, life stuff; let’s just say I have been managing a little more than the average chaos)

It better be preparing me for something great because WTF, horsey?

I’m not gonna lie, I have felt a little tongue tied over it all & I just haven’t been able to write about it - or write at all for that matter - I’ve dropped the ball here and for that I’m sorry.

I scheduled a journaling call for March, then forgot to attend it myself when the day came. I know some people were waiting on me and if you were one of them, I am truly sorry.

April & May journal sessions are happening though (they’re in my calendar, each with 4 reminding notifications!

Join us for April & May Journal Sessions

These monthly calls are where we tend to the messy, real, in-progress stuff together.

No polished lessons - just the actual living of it.

Paid subscribers get:

• Monthly live journal sessions (guided prompts + shared reflection)

• Access to all past session recordings

• Exclusive worksheets in archived posts

• First dibs on certain offers

• The messy middle stuff I don’t share publicly

Think of it as your monthly permission slip to tend to yourself with witnesses who get it.

Plus, I’m gonna be honest. I could really do with seeing your face.

There will be a replay made available for subscribers.

Scroll down for details.

I have LOTS more news & updates, which I will get to next week. For now, I just want to invite you to these calls.

That’s it. That’s the post. See you there.

Always,

Amanda

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Join me for a guided journaling session on zoom. It’s not a lesson or a class - we will literally just journal together, share & connect.

There will be a replay made available for subscribers.

Scroll down for details

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This is a conversation space exclusively for paid subscribers, kind of like a group chat or live hangout or as a way to connect between our monthly live calls.

Feel free to jump in anytime!

Join chat

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This is an opportunity to join me for a guided journaling session on zoom. It’s not a lesson or a class - we will literally just journal together, share & connect.

There will be a replay made available and posted to Substack for subscribers.

Scroll down for details + our January session replay

NEW PODCAST EPISODE!

It’s been a while. Life has been life-ing! Join us for a new instalment of TRBH where we talk about what has been keeping us away.

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Under these, I am wearing a luxurious slathering of the whipped body butter I gifted myself for my birthday back in October.

I massaged it thoroughly into my skin.

I’m nice & chilled now, still soaking in the after glow of having enjoyed a hot bath & a soapy foot massage prior to that.

Before any of this, I was eating dinner this evening when the thought occurred to me that I would drive to the shop, get chocolate and then get into a blanket fort bed and just…check out for the night.

I noticed the thought and the ease with which it almost passed the vibe check.

But my newly appointed pleasure-dome bouncer noticed, checked it’s creds at the door and declined admission, passing a note on to the administrator of my parts that ‘The usual imposter is trying to get in again’.

Admin read the note and instructed me to check-in instead.

If pleasure is what my imposter was trying to smuggle past coat check, then let it be conscious. explicit, sacred, unapologetic.

Let it be the real thing. I’m tired of settling for it’s surrogates.

And that’s what I want to invite you into this week, mo chara. A meditation on something you might be experiencing right now or lately as a ‘pull’ and what might be behind it.

For me, the ‘pull’, is pleasure. For you, it might be safety, it might be ease. It might be connection. That’s for you to figure out.

Checking out with chocolate in bed, for me, is not pleasure. Not any more. It is an escape hatch, a portal, a trick, - a way I distract & remove myself from something that either is or that I’m anticipating will be, unpleasant.

In this case, namely - it’s simply ending my day.

Ending anything [except that which I experience as ‘unpleasant’], is not an easy task for me. Neither is beginning, as it turns out.

Why?

Inertia: a property that explains why motion changes are hard to initiate or stop.

Shifting. Adjusting. Switching modes has always, always been a problem for me.

And a way I overcome it, is with bribes. Chocolate is a bribe, it releases dopamine [but which only lasts as long as I’m consuming the chocolate, the minute it ends, so does the illusion of ‘pleasure’]

I have many ways I bribe myself. Chocolate is just one and it’s one that just isn’t working for me anymore in the sense that it actually BLOCKS me from taking pleasure in other [more important as it turns out] ways; ways which I have dismissed and neglected, because society or culture or whomever told me it was shallow to take pleasure in these ways.

And God forbid an enneagram 4 risk being perceived as shallow - moi? Please.

Anyhoo, so I opted not for the head fake, but for something more sustainable, better value. A series of actions that release good feelings of pleasure and pleasantness; bath, skincare, pajamas, laying out tomorrows clothes & make up, hot water bottle, incense, tea.

And writing this piece for you.

Because my intention for this year is pleasure. And to discover that what actually pleases me isn’t what I thought it was; and that an unmitigated relationship with pleasure, is so much more accessible to me now, than it has been for me, probably ever but definitely since I initiated the biggest and most world altering change of my life, by having my malfunctioning gastric band aspirated, exactly 10 years ago this very week.

Reintroducing Pleasure After Years of “The Work”

For the last decade; through getting sober, through therapy, through all the healing and course-correcting, my focus has been on doing the work.

Absolutely Necessary. Absolutely Essential.

But now I’m at a point of replenishment.

I’m asking: Can I reintroduce pleasure consciously? Sustainably? Without it being a numbing mechanism?

This is interesting territory for someone with a history of addiction. Anything that gives me pleasant feelings and / or pleasure, automatically flags that thing. I try not to pathologise, but instead to proceed cautiously and consciously, with honesty and awareness.

My relationship with pleasure used to be about avoidance. About numbing unpleasantness.

Now I’m exploring: What if pleasure were something I sanctioned, actively celebrated & indulged in?

What Actually Gives Me Pleasure

Not just physical acts. What actually pleases me? Like on a spiritual level? What experiences can I create which are pleasant? Which fill me with genuine pleasure?

Like spending time with my infant niece over Christmas. When my brother & his wife thanked me for babysitting, my response was: “It’s my pleasure.”

Because it was.

I’m still dining on the pleasure I took in gathering supplies, setting up and facilitating a group family activity where everyone paired up around the kitchen table & painted each other’s portraits on New Year’s Eve - our first one together in over 30 years.

It’s a pleasure for me to guide people through choosing skincare products and treatments through my new job.

To coach people who engage my services, show up for themselves week after week to address their issues and learn a different way.

It’s a pleasure for me to share experiences I enjoy; taking someone for their first sauna, or sound bath. To recommend a book or an album, to introduce someone to something new that they might love.

I’m learning that I can prioritise time spent with people and in contexts that are pleasant and pleasurable. And I can limit time spent where it’s not.

This may be the most obvious thing to some, but to me, it feels revolutionary.

For Paid Subscribers

Behind the paywall:

• Photos from Christmas (plus a video of our portrait reveals - one in particular, was priceless - we laughed so much)

• The full journaling exploration on “pulls”

• First monthly live journal session gathering details for 2026

Read more

The honest truth is that, like many, this year challenged me in ways I didn’t expect.

I changed jobs in October; I walked out on a situation that had unfortunately become untenable and into something exciting and new on the very same day.

(More on that another time, but the short version: I chose my dignity. And I’d do it again.)

The new role is in the beauty industry, which feels like a homecoming in a way, since my very first profession was as a beautician.

And I’m loving it. Though the transition meant the podcast and my Substack newsletter went quiet, and I’ve missed being here with you.

Here’s what I want to tell you, though.

I was in my office the other day, clearing some things out. I’d received a few lovely cards recently that I hadn’t put away yet.

I keep these kinds of letters and cards I’ve collected over the years in a drawstring bag tucked away in a bookcase in my office.

Some are from my late father and his sister, my Godmother & aunt. Some are from my husband. But mostly, they’re from clients, students, people who’ve become friends.

And they contain words of appreciation & thanks - a kind of ‘proof of impact’.

Usually I just slip the new card in and put the bag back in it’s place. But this time, I took a moment to pluck a few out & read through them.

And it undid me a little.

Because there’s this thing I struggle with and I’m just going to say it out loud:

I wrestle with visibility and growth and numbers and I have done for a long time.

The algorithms. The engagement. The offers that ‘only’ 10 people buy after I’ve poured weeks into creating them.

It’s a constant source of frustration and there have been moments over the years when I seriously questioned whether I want to keep doing ‘this’ at all - and by ‘this’, I mean… *gestures wildly at…whatever*.

When I measure myself against the metrics that supposedly matter, I come up short.

At 50, I still [happily & gratefully, mind you] live in my mother’s house. I also live in the ever present shadow of my father's success and the significant financial debt I've accrued, trying to emulate it.

I drive a 10-year-old car - which, it must be said, never gives me an ounce of trouble and for which I am also grateful - but it concerns me that I can’t afford to upgrade, because that necessity is inevitably coming.

By conventional standards, I am not at all “successful”, in fact, I am haunted by a profound sense of inadequacy & failure.

And yet… and yet… and yet…

There I was, holding a literal bag full of words from people telling me I changed something for them. That I helped. That my offerings to them, mattered.

It reminded me of a dream I had shortly after my father died. He was cremated and in the dream I was in an empty office, filled with ashes.

Every drawer I opened, every filing cabinet, nothing but ashes.

Piled on the desk. Covering the floor. I was sifting through it all, looking for… something. When I finally distilled that dream down, one line emerged:

Nothing of value can be contained.

The success my father had - the fame, the fortune - it all turned to ash. What remained was the imprint. The impact. The way he was with people, how he was remembered by the difference he made to their lives.

I haven’t fully accepted this about myself yet. The truth is that I discount my impact because of the lack of any accompanying financial success.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still lamenting and [more often than I care to admit] resenting that lack of material success. That it doesn’t sting.

But I’m trying to hold both truths at once: that I want more and that I already have something real.

It may come across as maudlin to admit but I sometimes draw comfort from imagining this bag of kind words as a living eulogy - a celebration of my existence that I didn’t even have to die to receive.

*chuckles in enneagram 4*

So thank you. For being one of the kind people in my bag. For reading these words. For listening. For showing up.

For staying here with me even when I go quiet.

What’s Ahead: Podcast news, New Moon Journaling Sessions, RAW in real life.

The podcast is coming back in January! I have guests scheduled and I’m hoping to record an episode with Melanie over the holidays.

Starting January 1st, I’m raising the paid SUBSTACK subscription to $10/month, because I’m adding something I’m genuinely excited about: monthly live journaling gatherings. [this won’t affect your current rate if you’re already subbed, only new subs]

These gatherings won’t be lessons or workshops; they’ll be guided sessions where we journal together, in community.

Time for quiet. Time for sharing.

I’m thinking around new moon time, with varied days and times so everyone has a chance to make one. All sessions will be recorded and live here for paid members.

I’m also continuing with a very small, select 1-1 coaching clientele as well as my Saturday journaling sessions in Killaloe. (simply reply to this email if you’re interested in either)

And I’m hoping to revive my RAW workshops as real-time, in person offerings at some point. But given that I am working full time now, this may be a challenge, we will see.

And… I would really love to do another USA RAW tour - which still feels pretty daunting. Partly because having to unexpectedly cancel & refund an entire year of scheduled workshops, both at home and abroad during COVID, honestly put me off ever organising anything ‘in real life’, ever again.

But mostly because of the executive functioning clusterfuck of it all.

[In the spirit of transparency, I’m finally pursuing an ADHD assessment. Because it turns out that persistent overwhelm in general and a ‘never not dysregulated’ nervous system is not in fact, ‘normal’. More on that as I learn more.]

For You This Week

I’m leaving you with a replay of last year’s Christmas episode with Mel; our conversation about self-caring through the holidays.

It holds up.

✨For paid subscribers✨

Something special is waiting for you. Almost 25 years ago, Mel and I co-hosted a Christmas morning radio show with our father for Ireland’s national broadcaster, RTE RADIO ONE.

It’s music and banter and his voice and us and it’s become so special to us. A friend of mine very kindly dug it out of the RTE archives for me last year and it’s something we will always cherish.

And as an offering of gratitude for your support as a paid subscriber, I want to share it with you along with an invitation to pour yourself something warm on Christmas morning and enjoy.

That’s what we will be doing. Scroll down to access it below.

So…

The Year of the Snake is done. Hopefully the shedding wasn’t too painful. The year of the horse is coming. Hopefully he’s not lame.

The word that keeps presenting itself to me for the year ahead is pleasure - but not the dopamine-chasing, pain-avoiding kind.

Something more conscious. More intentional. More sustainable. I’ll say more when I know more.

For now: thank you for being here. For reading. Listening. For staying.

Wishing you a safe, peaceful Christmas and whatever quiet magic you need to close out this year.

Always, Amanda xx

P.S. - If you’ve been thinking about upgrading to a paid subscription, now’s the time - you’ll lock in the current rate before it goes up January 1st.

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Elephants fascinate me.

Matriarchal societies. Highly intelligent. Sensitive, intuitive creatures who remember everything.

And when you test them? They rampage.

Now, I’m not suggesting we set out on a path of destruction. But I do admire the emotional honesty of it, the complete, unfiltered expression of rage.

When’s the last time you let yourself do that?

Not in a way that hurts anyone. Not in a way you have to apologise for later.

But in a way that’s honest. Raw. Uncensored.

She’s in there, you know. The woman who doesn’t shrink herself to make others comfortable. Who doesn’t swallow her truth to keep the peace. Who doesn’t perform “fine” when she’s anything but.

Do you ever let her rampage?

Creatively, I mean.

That’s what RAW gives you: permission to put it ALL on the page.

The rage. The grief. The feelings you’re afraid are too much. The dreams you’ve been told are impractical. The parts of yourself you’ve learned to hide.

In RAW, nothing is too much. Nothing is too messy. Nothing is unwelcome.

Over 4 weeks of live coaching, you’ll learn how to:

• Channel what you’ve been holding into art that heals

• Trust your creative instincts without second-guessing

• Express the truth of who you are without fear of judgment

• Transform the weight on your chest into images on the page

This is your invite to a creative rampage and it starts Monday.

But you have to decide now.

Doors close this Sunday at midnight. After that, this final live cohort begins without you and the opportunity for real-time guidance and community support is gone.

You get:

• 4 weeks of live group coaching

• Complete self-paced curriculum (lifetime access)

• Private community of women who get it

• LOTS of transformational bonuses (including Altered Book Journaling + Sacred Art of Transformation)

Plus: Our private Facebook group where the magic doesn’t stop when the calls end. This is where women show up messy, real, and completely themselves; and are met with nothing but support.

The “musts” and “shoulds” of life don’t need to sit on your chest like an elephant anymore.

You’re allowed to let it out. You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to be completely, unapologetically real.

RAW shows you how.

I’M READY - SIGN ME UP

We start Monday. Don’t miss out.

With you in the wild,

Amanda xx

I’ve been grappling with what it means to celebrate sober & how easily my unexamined plans could lead me to relapse.

Spoiler alert: Sometimes surrender looks like canceling your own birthday party.

This week’s episode is not audio, it’s a video.

In it, I share

• Why I disappeared for two months

• A pattern I keep repeating

• A dream I keep chasing

• A Problem I keep creating

• And a solution I keep resisting

I Quit My Job

But not before learning

• Who I am

• Where I belong

• Why it matters

• How I prefer to earn income

• What’s next

Plus, more burnout truths.

🔒 Behind the Paywall: A Journaling Exercise

The Death of An Ideal

The gap between who you thought you’d be by now and who you actually are isn’t evidence of failure, it’s the doorway to freedom.

In this exclusive journaling guide, I walk you through the exact practice that helped me surrender the “fab at 50” fantasy & find peace with my actual life.

This isn’t about positive thinking or gratitude lists, it’s about getting brutally honest about the ideal you’ve been chasing, naming the wound underneath and finally letting it die so something real can be born.

What you’ll get:

• 7 powerful prompts that take you from shame to surrender

• Permission to grieve what never was (and discover what actually is)

• A pathway out of the “escape artist” cycle I describe in the episode

• The exact questions that helped me choose sobriety over performance at my own birthday

This is deep work. The kind that changes how you move through the world.

If you’re tired of measuring yourself against an impossible standard, this practice will set you free.

P.s.

RAW ONLINE IS BACK!

My BEST SELLING art journaling course runs live for the last time in November.

Express yourself in RAW, messy pages, rich with personality, story & emotional content.

Tap into hidden depths and emerge with insight, understanding and truth.

Discover the power of visual journaling to Inspire, renew and transform experience.

REGISTER FOR RAW

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Dear Artist,

Do you ever feel like this world has a death grip on you?

When we let the heaviness of it all take over our hearts and bodies, we can lose touch with ourselves and feel lost.

Through creative self-expression, we can close the door on hopelessness and open the door to hope, renewal and joy.

But it doesn’t feel that simple, does it?

Maybe you’ve tried to be creative but weren’t sure you were doing it “right.” Instead of finding self-expression, it just became another thing to feel bad about.

The pressure to perform productivity and produce perfection can take the joy of creativity away from you.

Feeling stuck, feeling alone, feeling lost - are experiences that breed hopelessness, which does no good for anyone.

To overcome these feelings, we must know how to journey inward, to tend to & transform what we find there.

The easiest way I know to step towards transformation is through creativity.

I want to invite you on a journey. One filled with healing, truth, expression and hope.

I am dusting off my RAW ONLINE workshop for one final go around. Through an abundance of recorded lessons and weekly live Zoom sessions, I’ll guide you through the process of awakening the healing power of creativity within you.

Everything I’ve learned about the therapeutic creative process of journaling, is bundled into this course now.

Four weeks of creative exploration with me, tons of added value in bonus lessons and the support of a beautiful community of kindred spirits.

When you’re feeling stuck and alone, overwhelming helplessness stifles you. But you’re not alone.

I’m here along with a magical community to gather round you and show you the way.

The fun begins on Monday November 3rd!

Join NOW to get instant access to the bonus content and avail of a $20 early bird discount.

Click HERE to join us.

Amanda xx

That's what someone wrote after taking the assessment yesterday. Another person said it perfectly captured patterns they'd been aware of but "never so clearly described."

The response has been incredible. Women are finally seeing their patterns mapped out clearly for the first time.

But here's the thing: You only have until Tuesday, September 9th to take this quiz!

Why the Rush?

This isn't just any assessment. When you complete the 8 Serenity Blockers Assessment by Tuesday, you'll get exclusive access to a beta workshop I'm only offering once in 2025.

This workshop will take your results and show you exactly how to transform your specific serenity blockers using a proven method that has helped millions find peace (yes, millions).

Think of it as getting access to something BIG before anyone else; and at a fraction of the cost it will be next year.

What You'll Discover in 5 Minutes

The assessment reveals which of the 8 Serenity Blocking patterns are keeping you stuck.

Here's What People Are Saying:

"Some of it I have already been aware of, but never so clearly described. I have always said that I have anxiety and to deal with it I try to control everything. Now I'm realising that maybe it's my trying to control everything that is leading to my anxiety."

The assessment doesn't just tell you what's wrong—it shows you exactly what transformation looks like for YOUR specific patterns.

Want A Sneak Peak At My New Thing?

When you take the assessment by Tuesday, you'll get first access to an upcoming weekend intensive workshop that breaks down:

• How your specific blockers work together to keep you stuck

• One POWERFUL tool to transform any life issue

• Why previous attempts at change haven't worked

• How to build sustainable peace that doesn't depend on everyone else doing what you need them to.

This is a methodology that's helped millions—now available without needing to hit rock bottom to get it.

Time Is Running Out

Tuesday, September 9th at midnight, the assessment closes to new participants. After that, you'll have to wait until 2026 for the next opportunity.

Take The Serenity Blockers Quiz now and discover which patterns are keeping you from the peace you crave.

Because the women who are transforming their chaos into serenity are not doing so through miracles. They’re doing so through methods.

Don't let another year go by wondering why peace feels so elusive. Get your result in 5 minutes.

TAKE THE 5 MIN QUIZ HERE

Your future self: the one who responds instead of reacts, who helps without burning out, who makes decisions from courage instead of fear; is waiting.

But only until Tuesday.

Ready to see your patterns clearly? Take the assessment before the window closes on Tuesday, September 9th.

You said no. Clearly.

You expressed that you wanted to exit the situation and for a moment, you felt that satisfying click of alignment.

Then, they made you an offer.

Not explicitly a bribe, mind you. It may have looked like generosity. It may have sounded like accommodation.

But something about it felt off and suddenly your clear "no" turned into "Oh! Hmm… Well… maybe… if…"

Sound familiar?

When Your Clarity Gets Hijacked

One minute you know exactly what you want. You've honoured your instincts, spoken your truth, felt good about your decision.

The next minute you're confused, second-guessing yourself, wondering if maybe you're being too rigid or unreasonable.

What happened?

When someone can't hear your "no," they often try to solve it with more. More money, more favours, more special treatment.

And in doing so, they're essentially asking: "What's your price for abandoning yourself?"

Your Body Knows

Maybe you've felt it, that niggling sense of something being off. Like a crooked picture frame or hearing an instrument that's slightly out of tune.

You accepted their offer, their special arrangement, their solution to what you intended to be a boundary, but what they saw as a problem.

And now you feel like you have an energetic puncture. An open loop. Something's leaking and you can't figure out what.

That's your nervous system telling you that you're out of integrity.

Because now there's a transaction happening where there wasn’t supposed to be one. You're not staying because you want to, now you're staying because you've been paid to.

A Dangerous Pattern

This might not be the first time you've sold your "no."

Maybe you've stayed in jobs that were slowly killing your soul because they offered just enough extra money to make you question your instincts.

Maybe you've remained in relationships because someone promised to change, to try harder, to be different; if you'd just give them another chance.

Maybe you've accepted invitations you didn't want because someone made you feel guilty for having limits, then sweetened the deal to make your "yes" feel more palatable.

Each time, it the same pattern: clear boundary, met as a problem, incentivised solution, abandoned self.

Why This Feels So Wrong

Your body is smarter than your mind when it comes to detecting when your boundaries are being negotiated away.

When you abandon a boundary for a bribe, several things happen:

Your decision-making power gets undermined. You went from clear knowing to confused negotiation.

You lose trust in your instincts. If your gut said "leave" but their offer made you stay, which voice do you trust next time?

The relationship dynamic shifts. Now you're not an equal with valid needs - you're someone whose boundaries have a price.

What Real Respect Looks Like

People who respect your boundaries don't try to buy you out of them.

Real respect sounds like:

• "I'm disappointed, but I understand"

• "Thanks for being clear about what works for you"

• "I wish it were different, but I hear you"

It doesn't involve negotiation, bargaining, or trying to find your price point.

When someone responds to your "no" with an immediate offer or incentive, pay attention. Your clarity getting muddy after initially feeling sure is a red flag that someone is trying to buy you out of your boundary.

Getting Back to Integrity

If you're in this situation right now, if you've accepted a bribe to abandon a boundary, you can go back.

You can have that conversation again, firmer this time. Not a negotiation, a statement.

"Here's what's happening, here's what I'm doing. Thanks for understanding"

The moment you close that energetic loop, the moment you return to your original boundary, your nervous system will relax. You will feel it.

The wrongness will lift.

Your Truth Isn't For Sale

The next time someone can't hear your "no" and responds with an offer, remember: your truth isn't for sale.

Your instincts aren't up for negotiation. Your boundaries aren't items on a menu with prices attached.

When you feel that energetic wrongness after accepting a bribe to abandon yourself, trust it. It's your system telling you that you've traded something precious for something that will never be worth the cost.

Download this FREE GUIDE to discover the 5 signs you might be unconsciously choosing chaos over your own sanity.

Learning to recognise when your boundaries are being bought is part of learning what you can control versus what you can't.

Because the people who are meant to be in your life will respect your boundaries without trying to purchase them.

And the most expensive thing you can sell is your own truth. The market rate is always too low.

Ready to stop selling your boundaries? The Serenity Project helps women learn the difference between boundaries and self-abandonment. Start by downloading the FREE GUIDE below.

Fixing their problems so they wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable.

Saying yes when my whole body was screaming no, just to prevent their disappointment.

I called it love. I called it being a good person. I called it caring.

I was wrong.

What We Mistake for Love

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that our value comes from how much we can absorb, fix and endure for others.

We learned to equate our worth with our willingness to abandon ourselves.

This isn't love. It's programming.

Abandoning yourself to keep them comfortable isn't love—it's a survival strategy you learned when your needs felt too risky to express.

Making yourself responsible for their emotions isn't love—it's the result of being taught that other people's feelings are more important than your own reality.

Fixing their problems so they don't have to feel bad isn't love—it's robbing them of their own growth while exhausting yourself in the process.

Tolerating disrespect because "they're stressed" isn't love—it's accepting crumbs and calling it a feast.

Staying small so they can feel big isn't love—it's dimming your own light to avoid threatening someone else's insecurity.

Saying yes when your truth is no isn't love—it's betraying yourself to avoid conflict.

How Programming Masquerades as Virtue

The insidious thing about this programming is how virtuous it feels. Society celebrates self-sacrifice, especially in women. We're praised for being accommodating, helpful, and selfless.

But there's a difference between genuine compassion and compulsive caretaking.

Real love doesn't require you to disappear. Real love doesn't demand that you betray your own truth to keep others comfortable. Real love creates space for everyone to be fully human, including you.

When you abandon yourself repeatedly, you're not loving anyone. You're enabling dysfunction while slowly suffocating your own soul.

The Cost of Confusion

When we confuse programming for love, everyone suffers:

The people we're "helping" don't learn to handle their own emotions or solve their own problems. They become dependent on our constant management.

We become resentful, exhausted and disconnected from our own needs and desires. We lose touch with who we are beneath all the fixing and managing.

Our relationships become transactional—based on what we can do for others rather than genuine connection between equals.

Breaking the Cycle

The first step is recognition. Start noticing when you're operating from programming rather than authentic care:

Do you feel resentful after helping someone?
That's a sign you abandoned yourself.

Do you feel responsible for other people's reactions to your boundaries? That's programming talking.

Do you feel guilty when you prioritise your own needs? That's the program trying to keep you in line.

Real love feels different. It's sustainable. It honours everyone's humanity, including yours.

What Love Actually Looks Like

Genuine love trusts others to handle their own emotions. It offers support without taking responsibility for outcomes. It maintains boundaries not to punish, but to preserve the relationship.

Love doesn't require you to sacrifice your truth. It doesn't ask you to stay small. It doesn't demand that you fix, manage, or control.

Love is spacious enough for everyone to be fully themselves, messy emotions, disappointing choices and all.

No Shame: You Are Not Your Programming

You didn't choose these patterns. They developed as intelligent responses to environments where your authentic self wasn't safe or welcomed.

But now that you can see them, you have a choice.

You can continue operating from the old programming, exhausting yourself trying to control everyone else's experience.

Or you can learn a different way, one that honours both your desire to care for others and your responsibility to care for yourself.

If this resonates, this is one of the 5 signs you might be choosing chaos over your own sanity. You can learn more about those signs HERE.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is stop abandoning yourself.

Because when you stop confusing programming for love, you create space for something much more beautiful: relationships based on truth, respect and genuine care for everyone involved, including you

GET YOUR FREE GUIDE

Ready to stop sacrificing yourself in the name of love? The Serenity Project helps women learn the difference between genuine care and self-abandonment. Download the guide to learn more!

Earlier that day, I'd spent three hours on the phone with my friend about her relationship drama, mediated a fight between neighbours and promised an overwhelmed colleague I'd help with her work project, all while my own stressors piled up, unadressed.

I'd done what I always did when everyone else's shit was hitting the fan: I swooped right in to fix it.

And then, when the weight of being a hero finally became too much, I did what I always did to cope: I checked out.

Sound familiar?

The Pattern I Couldn't See

For years, I thought this was just who I was. The helper. The fixer. The one people came to when life got messy. I wore it like a badge of honour; until I realised it was slowly breaking me.

Here's what I couldn't see:

Every time someone else had a crisis, I made it my emergency.
Every time they couldn't handle their emotions, I absorbed them.
Every time they needed rescuing, I abandoned myself.

And when the weight of carrying everyone else's problems bore down, that's when I'd turn to my trusty soothers.

The wine. The emotional eating. The overspending. The irritable bickering at people I loved. The complete shutdown when it all became too much.

I was caught in a cycle I didn't even know existed.

An Impossible Choice

What I always thought was kindness was actually rescuing. My compulsion, rooted in the belief that I had to choose between two terrible options:

Either be helpful at my own expense, or… honour my limits but feel like a selfish, heartless person who abandons people in need.

So I chose door number one, over and over, until I was running on empty and reaching for anything that would numb the resentment I didn’t know what to do with and felt ashamed to admit.

Finally, a coach I’d hired pointed out that managing everyone else's chaos wasn't making me a good person. It was making me an exhausted one.

What I Learned the Hard Way

Your worth isn't measured by how many fires you can put out or how much of other people's problems you can solve.

True kindness, the kind that actually helps, requires boundaries. For them AND for you.

You can support the people you love without sacrificing your sanity. In fact, it's the only way to show up sustainably for anyone.

The Third Option

There's a third door most of us never consider: You can care deeply AND protect your peace. You can be present without being consumed.

You can help without completely emptying your own well.

But first, you need to see the patterns that keep you trapped. You need to understand what's driving you to sacrifice your wellbeing for everyone else's chaos.

Most importantly, you need to recognise that your sanity matters just as much as everyone else's.

That’s why I created this FREE GUIDE to help you discover the 5 signs you might be choosing chaos over your own peace.

Sometimes the biggest revelation is simply seeing clearly.

Because once you see the cycle, you can finally break free from it.

Your transformation doesn't start with fixing everyone else. It starts with refusing to abandon yourself.

Ready to stop being your own worst enemy? The Serenity Project helps women transform self destructive coping by learning how to care deeply AND protect their peace by making one simple shift

GET YOUR FREE GUIDE

There's something sacred wanting to be expressed through you.

You feel it, don't you? That persistent nudge, that creative restlessness, that sense that you're meant to bring something into the world, but… you're not quite sure what it is yet.

I know because I've been tending that flame for 16 years.

The Long Gestation

In 2009, I started something called "Girlwise". It was a nail art and self-esteem party service for 8-13 year old girls.

I talk more in the podcast about what my intention was for that offering, but suffice it to say, I was hoping to impart to this particular demographic, skills I wish had been imparted to me at that age.

After three parties, I realised I was completely out of my depth and shut it down.That "failure" sent me to college for a degree in counselling.

Which led to my own therapy..
Which led to reclaiming my creativity..
Which led to teaching art journaling online..
Which led to getting sober..
Which led to coaching..
Which evolved into my first coaching offer called "Tender”..
Then “Stop The Spiral”..
Then"Creative Wayfinding”..
Then "The Pilgrim's Way"..

Each iteration taught me something. Each "failed" version was actually a stepping stone to what wanted to emerge.

Last month, it finally clicked when a client, upon my sharing some recovery wisdom with her said to me: "God, I wish I was an alcoholic."

She was being facetious, but the longing beneath her words was real. She could see the transformation that recovery principles had created in my life; the serenity, the clarity, the tools for navigating chaos.

And she wanted that too.

But, not being an alcoholic, she didn't qualify for traditional 12 step recovery. She wasn't "broken enough" to access the solution.

In that moment, 16 years of iteration suddenly made perfect sense.

The Serenity Project Was Born

What I've been gestating all these years suddenly came into clear focus.

All those "failed" attempts were necessary. Girlwise taught me I needed skills. College gave me the foundation. Getting sober gave me the scaffolding to build something of my own. Every iteration was preparing me for what wanted to be born.

Your Sacred Work Is Waiting

Here's what I know about the thing trying to emerge through you:

It won't wait for you to feel ready. I felt completely unequipped for Girlwise and every iteration since, but “doing it anyway” has always led me exactly where I needed to go.

It will evolve through iteration, not perfection. Each version teaches you what the next version needs to be.

It's already sacred, even in its messy form. Every attempt, every "failure," every pivot is part of the holy work of creation.

The flame that's flickering in you, that sense of purpose, that creative restlessness, that feeling that you're meant for something more; it's not asking you to have it all figured out.

It's asking you to tend to it. To feed it. To give it small expressions so it can show you what it wants to become.

Eventually. Don’t forget that part.

Tending Your Flame

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.

The thing wanting to be born through you doesn't need your permission to be perfect. It needs your willingness to begin, to iterate, to trust the process of becoming.

Your creative restlessness is proof of that. I know every false start feels like another kick in the nads, but it’s not. They’re the Braxton hicks preparing you for the sacred labour that will eventually birth your thing.

But on its own timeline, not yours.

If I was in charge of my timeline, Girlwise would have worked the first time around.

It would not have merely been the starting point of a 16-year pilgrimage to finally realise what the fuck I”m doing out here.

Your iterations are preparing you for something you can't even imagine yet.

What you seek is seeking you. The world needs what wants to emerge through you. Even if (especially if) you can't see the full picture yet.

What's Trying To Emerge In You?

If you're feeling stuck in patterns that keep you from your creative calling and the calm clarity you need to birth your work into the world, you're not alone.

Sometimes the thing blocking our creative emergence is our unexamined relationship with chaos and the exhausting need to have it all figured out before we begin.

This is what The Serenity Project is all about. Listen to the podcast for more and Download my free guide: "5 Signs You're Choosing Chaos Over Sanity" to get started and discover what might be keeping you from what you need to tend your sacred flame.

Your life's work is waiting. Not for perfection; for courage.

CLAIM YOUR FREE GUIDE

She was “letting go”, “trusting the process”, “allowing divine inspiration”.

Not 30 seconds later she piped up with: "So... maybe by letting him be in charge of his room, he’ll realise how chaotic it is when I’m not picking up after him & that will motivate him to keep it tidy."

And there it was. The trap almost all of us fall into when we're learning to let go.

What Is False Surrender?

False surrender is when you're "surrendering" control of a situation, but in the hopes that the act of using surrender will eventually produce the outcome you want, without your use of force.

You're not truly accepting reality; you're just pretending to let go while secretly or subconsciously remaining invested in a specific outcome.

You say the right words: "I'm letting this go" or "whatever happens, happens", but inwardly, you're still desperately hoping for your preferred result.

You've convinced yourself you're practicing acceptance, but it's actually a form of bargaining. A way to hoodwink the universe into giving you what you want.

If this is hitting a little too close to the bone, don’t worry, you're not alone. This might be one of the most common ways we sabotage our own peace.

The 5 Signs You're Caught in False Surrender

1. You're Still Checking: You keep monitoring the situation you've supposedly "surrendered" to see if it's changing in your favour. You've let go of your ex... but you're still checking their Instagram stories.

2. You Feel Impatient: You're wondering when your "surrender" will finally produce the outcome you want. There's a timeline in your head for when this letting-go thing should start working.

3. You're Rehearsing Success: You frequently imagine scenarios where everything works out exactly as you hoped. Your surrender looks suspiciously like visualisation.

4. You're Using Spiritual Language: You talk about "trusting the process" or "divine timing," but feel anxious when nothing changes. This is a very common trap of confusing theory with practice.

5. You Feel Secretly Resentful: Despite your "surrender," you're frustrated that reality isn't conforming to your desires. You might even feel the universe is being unfair to you specifically.

If any of these feel familiar, you're experiencing what I call false surrender and it's keeping you from the very serenity you're seeking.

Why We Fall Into This Trap

Fear of Loss: True surrender means accepting you might never get what you want—and that's terrifying.

Control Addiction: We're hardwired to seek certainty and control, making genuine surrender profoundly uncomfortable.

Misunderstanding: We've been taught that surrender is a strategy for manifestation rather than acceptance of what is.

The paradox here is that the more desperately you want a specific outcome, the harder genuine surrender becomes.

The Real Problem: Resistance to Reality

Here's what I've learned after 8 years in recovery and working with many women: It's not even your attachment to outcomes that needs surrendering, it's your resistance to what's actually happening right now.

When you're tactically surrendering, you're not present with reality as it is. You're living in an imagined future where things have worked out "correctly."

This creates a constant tension between your experience now and where you believe you should be, blocking genuine peace and acceptance.

True surrender isn't a strategy for getting what you want. It's making peace with what is, regardless of outcome.

In other words, surrender is HARD.

What True Surrender Actually Feels Like

Paradoxical Relief: A part of you exhales as you stop fighting reality. The weight lifts as you no longer need to control the uncontrollable.

Openness to Another Outcome: You accept that it is not YOU who gets to dictate what happens and that reality is its own outcome.

Present Moment Awareness: You're present with what's happening now, not fixated on future outcomes or rehashing past decisions.

When you truly surrender, you discover a serenity that doesn't depend on circumstances changing to your liking.

How to Practice True Surrender

Moving beyond false surrender requires honest self-reflection and practice:

1. Acknowledge Your Investment: Be honest about how much you still want a specific outcome. This honesty is the foundation of surrender.

2. Feel Your Resistance: Notice where you feel tension or anxiety in your body when facing the current reality. This is your resistance speaking.

3. Ask: "What's Actually Here Now?" Return to the present moment repeatedly. What's true right now, before your thoughts about what should be happening? Name it. Allow it. Be with it.

(I love this track for “sitting with it”)

The Serenity Connection

This pattern of false surrender is actually one of the signs you might be choosing chaos over sanity; trying to control the uncontrollable instead of finding peace with what is.

I've identified 8 specific patterns that keep us stuck in cycles of frustration and exhaustion. False surrender is just one way we unconsciously block our own serenity.

If you're wondering whether you're caught in other serenity-blocking patterns, I've created a free guide: "5 Signs You're Choosing Chaos Over Sanity" and will show you exactly which patterns might be keeping you from the peace you crave.

Your Call to Serenity

Next time you catch yourself "surrendering" to get what you want, pause and ask: "Am I truly accepting reality as it is, or am I using surrender as a tactic?"

The path to genuine peace isn't through false spiritual practices; it's through being present with what's actually here.

And sometimes, the most surrendered thing you can do is admit you're not ready to surrender yet.

That's where real freedom begins.

CLAIM YOUR FREE GUIDE

The Serenity Project is about learning the difference between what you can change and what you need to surrender.

If you're ready to stop exhausting yourself trying to control the uncontrollable, get your free guide today and begin your journey.

A client actually said that to me once.

Of course, she was being facetious, but behind her flippant humour was a very real longing.

She had witnessed first hand the transformation brought about through recovery; the peace, the clarity, the unshakeable sense of self, emerging from the rubble. The freedom. The Happiness.

It was everything she wanted for herself too.

But because she didn't identify as someone with the problem of addiction, because there was no rubble from which to emerge, she told herself that her struggles weren't valid enough to access the solution.

Imagine. My client’s not being an alcoholic was actually posing as a barrier to emotional freedom.

But this is what happens, we create this hierarchy of suffering where you need to have fallen far enough to "deserve" help.

My client was essentially telling herself: "My problems aren't dramatic enough, therefore I don't deserve the transformation."

It shouldn't be that way.

The Recovery Paradox

Here's what I started wondering. Have we accidentally created a system where some of the most powerful tools for emotional freedom are locked behind a requirement to identify as an addict?

You can be drowning in people-pleasing, emotional reactivity and the exhausting need to control everything around you, but unless you have a substance problem, you don't get access to the frameworks that could actually help.

It's like saying you can only learn to swim if you're currently drowning.

My client wasn't alone in feeling this way. I started to notice when I kept hearing variations on the same theme: "I wish there was an AA type thing for people who aren't alcoholics."

Women who could see that people in recovery had something they wanted; something that helped them create real, lasting change.

But felt shut out because they didn't tick the ‘addict’ box.

What Recovery Really Is

Here's what I've learned after over a decade of studying, counselling, coaching & teaching, eight years sober from alcohol and eighteen months working a 12-step program: the drinking was never the real problem.

The drinking was my solution. It was my answer to the chaos of my inner life.

Getting drunk, or high on substances and validation was how I coped with growing up in a culture that conned me into disobeying my own truth, diluting my own voice, deferring my own authority & denying myself dignity.

It was how I coped with the trauma of a lifetime of SELF erasure, abandonment & shame.

The loss of ownership and agency, the inability to surrender.

The real recovery? Learning to stop reaching outside myself for love, safety and approval.

Recovery is about accepting what you cannot control, changing what you can and developing the wisdom to know the difference.

It's about taking responsibility for your life without blaming anyone.

It's figuring out how to be disturbed without immediately trying to control the situation.

And you know what? You don't need to be an alcoholic to benefit from any of that.

The Patterns We All Recognise

Maybe you don't drink, but do you recognise yourself here?

• You say yes when you mean no, then spend the week resenting everyone for not reading your mind about what you actually wanted.
  

• Your emotions feel like they control you rather than inform you. Someone makes a dismissive comment and suddenly you're in a three-hour mental spiral about what they "really meant" by it.
  

• Despite wanting peace, your life feels like a series of crises rather than something sustainable.

• You exhaust yourself believing you must constantly entertain, impress, or provide value because you're terrified people will leave if you don't consistently prove your worth.

Sound familiar? Welcome to the human condition. We're all trying to manage the same basic struggles; we just use different methods.

What I'm Doing About It

That's why I created The Serenity Project. Because addiction & disorder shouldn’t be the only pathways to recovery.

Because the wisdom that saved my life should be available to anyone brave enough to admit they're seeking a better way to live.

I'm taking my knowledge & experience from various proven frameworks, like 12-step traditions, mindfulness-based recovery, trauma-informed approaches and holistic wellness, and making them accessible to everyone.

No labels required. No addiction diagnosis needed. Just the willingness to try something different.

What Emotional Freedom Actually Looks Like

The goal isn't perfection; it’s emotional sobriety. A state where you're no longer at the mercy of your feelings or controlled by external circumstances.

This looks like:

• Living one day at a time instead of spiralling about the future or ruminating on the past

• Accepting reality as it is, not as you wish it would be

• Taking responsibility for your reactions without blaming others for your feelings

It's not about suppressing emotions. It’s not about ‘positive thinking’. It’s not about forcing yourself to believe things you think you should, but don’t.

It's about responding to the world’s chaos with wisdom instead of being ruled by it.

My Journey: From Chaos to Clarity

Fifteen years ago, these principles saved my life. They transformed me from someone controlled by chaos to a person who can maintain peace amid challenges, set boundaries without guilt, feel emotions without being overwhelmed, build and enjoy authentic, life affirming relationships.

These principles have also saved my sanity many times since and I do my best to live into them everyday.

I still stumble. I still get triggered by random things and have to catch myself mid-spiral. But I have tools now. I know how to find my way back to peace instead of staying stuck in resentment.

The Real Problem We're Solving

The problem isn't that you're broken or doing life wrong. The problem is that most of us were never taught how to be human.

We learned how to achieve, how to please, how to perform, but nobody taught us how to exist in discomfort without trying to fix it.

How to be disappointed without making it mean something about our worth. How to want something from someone and survive not getting it.

Recovery principles teach you all that.

The Invitation

You don't need to hit rock bottom to access or earn a right to these tools. You don't need to identify as an addict to benefit from this wisdom.

You just need to be tired of your own patterns and willing to try things that have been tested by millions of people over decades.

The transformation my client wanted? It's available to her. And to you. The question isn't whether you qualify; it's whether you're ready to stop trying to figure everything out alone and step out onto a proven path to emotional freedom.

Recovery isn't just for people with addiction. It's for anyone seeking transformation. The wisdom that saved my life is available to you too.

The thing is, most of us can't see our own patterns. We're too close to them.

We think the chaos just keeps happening to us instead of recognizing the unconscious choices that create it.

That's why I put together 5 Signs You're Unconsciously Choosing Chaos Over Peace; because sometimes you need someone else to point out what you can't see yourself.

Download it below and see which signs feel uncomfortably familiar. Let me know in the comments!

GET YOUR FREE GUIDE

I've been working on something for you.

After 8 years of recovery and coaching hundreds of women, I've identified something troubling: brilliant, capable women are unconsciously choosing other people’s chaos over their own sanity.

They may not even realise they're doing it, but there will be signs.

You might notice for example that you're always unsettled, easily triggered by others' behaviour and despite having a good life on paper, nothing feels quite right.

Sound familiar?

There was a time I was so invested in being seen as “good”, that I tolerated things I never should have. And all it ever got me was hurt, resentful & confused.

I didn't realise these patterns had a name. I didn't know there was a way I could transform them.

But there is.

It’s a method that's helped millions of people get their lives back in 12 step programs all over the world - and you don't have to be in active addiction to use it.

For years, I have been sharing timeless recovery wisdom with my clients, because it’s had such a profound impact on my life. And inevitably they would say, ‘I wish there was a recovery programme for people who aren’t alcoholics.

So, I created it.

Today, I'm excited to launch The Serenity Project - your path to becoming happy, joyous, and free.

The journey begins with seeing your patterns clearly. Which is why I've created a FREE comprehensive guide to the 5 signs you're unconsciously choosing chaos over sanity.

This isn't about positive thinking or willpower. It's way more powerful than that.

Come on over, grab your FREE GUIDE & check it out.

Amanda x

GET YOUR FREE GUIDE

P.S.

This guide is the first step in something bigger I'll be sharing with you in September. Make sure to claim your guide BEFORE AUGUST 27TH so as not to miss out!

You're going to love what's coming.

Yesterday, my podcast guest didn't show up.

Could have been annoying. Could have thrown off my whole week. Instead, it became the perfect opening to share something I've been dying to tell you but wasn't quite ready to reveal.

Here's the thing: You've been trying to solve the wrong problem your entire life.

You think the problem is your partner who won't change. Your weight that won't budge. Your boss who doesn't appreciate you. Your bank account that won't grow fast enough.

Plot twist: The real problem is believing that your happiness depends on fixing any of those things.

The Magical Thinking Trap

I call it "magical thinking" - that unconscious belief that when this external thing changes, then I'll finally be happy.

• When my partner finally gets their act together...

• When I lose these 40 pounds...

• When I get that promotion...

• When the kids move out...

• When I find the right house/city/job...

Then… I'll have peace.

I know this trap intimately because I've lived in it. I lost 100 pounds twice in my life - and was still miserable both times. The anxiety, self-hatred and emotional terror that accompanied me the whole way there?

It got worse once I reached my "goal weight."

That's when I learned what Jim Carrey meant when he said he wished everyone could get exactly what they think they want, just so they could see it doesn't actually solve the internal stuff.

Why Your Brain Loves This Trap

Magical thinking feels productive. It gives us a target, an imagined way out of our suffering, something to do. The problem is, it puts our happiness in someone else's hands - or in circumstances we ultimately can't control.

We exhaust ourselves trying to be God, essentially. Trying to orchestrate outcomes that aren't ours to orchestrate.

And here's the kicker: We do this because we've never been taught what we actually CAN control.

A Method That Changes Everything

Here's what I learned from recovery programs that helped millions of people find serenity:

The solution isn't magic. It's a method.

That method? Learning to accept what you cannot change, find courage to change what you can and developing the wisdom to know the difference.

Sound familiar? It should. It's called the Serenity Prayer.

But here's what most people miss: This isn't just for people in recovery from substances. This is for anyone addicted to control - which, let's be honest, is all of us.

But the relief you feel when you stop trying to control the uncontrollable? That's your nervous system finally exhaling.

What's Coming

In 10 days, I'm launching something I've been working on for 5 years (honestly, 16 years if you count the very first iteration).

It's called The Serenity Project.

It's a bridge between recovery wisdom and everyday life. You don't need to qualify as an "aholic" to access these tools, you just need the desire to be happy and free.

Because here's what I know: Your happiness isn't selfish. It's service.

Just as hurt people, hurt people. Happy people help people.

The greatest gift you can give to a world that's hurting is your own healing.

The Question That Changes Everything

And so for now, I invite you to sit with this question:

Where in your life are you waiting for a miracle instead of using a method?

Notice where your body fills with fear when you imagine stopping the thing you're doing to try to control that situation.

That fear? That's the real work. Fear is not a truth you have to face, it’s a story you get to change.

But also notice: Is there any relief that surfaces when you imagine surrendering that fear?

That relief is telling you something important.

Ready to stop exhausting yourself on the wrong things? The Serenity Project opens for registration August 14th.

🔒 Behind the Paywall: A Quick Win

For paid subscribers: A practical tool to start shifting out of magical thinking today

Read more

This one's for everyone who's tired of feeling like they have to keep pulling rabbits from a hat to deserve a seat at the table.

In this unscripted solo episode, I challenged myself to just talk. No outline, no plan, no trunk full of wisdom to unpack.

What emerged was an unexpected meditation on recovery, control and the radical act of being enough exactly as you are.

Mo chara,

I hadn't been on Instagram for almost 18 months. Then I posted a few things in a row this week and boom,there it was. That comment.

The one that got in on me and started grating, sending me into that familiar spiral of plotting my retaliation in my head.

You know the one. Where you start telling yourself what they really meant by that comment, what it proves about them, what it says about you.

The whole mental gymnastics routine that leaves you exhausted and pissed off about something that happened in a virtual space with someone you've never met.

But here's what I've learned in recovery: when I'm disturbed, the disturbance isn't coming from out there. It's coming from in here.

The Rules of Amanda World

As I sat with my journal, working through what was really happening, I had to get honest about something uncomfortable: I have rules about how people should interact with me.

There's a "proper" way to be in “Amanda World” and this commenter had violated my rules.

But here's the thing, you leave your room and people are going to people. You have absolutely no control over their "properness."

But if you think people should show up in a certain way and they don't, your peace is going to be disturbed.

And it might seem on the surface like it’s their fault, but the disturbance isn't about their comment. It's about my expectations.

The Story I Told Myself

In that moment, I decided the comment was dismissive. I fabricated an entire narrative about her intention to put me down, to make me feel small. But where did I get that information about her intent?

I used my imagination.

I twisted reality and decided what she meant when she never spoke a word of her intention. That was pure projection, an absolute fabrication with no factual backing.

And that's what I was actually upset about: the story I made up in my head.

This is what recovery teaches us to look for: How are we the asshole?

The Three Questions That Change Everything

When I'm caught in that spiral, I've learned to ask myself three questions:

And the answer was clear: I was demanding that other people behave in ways that please me, then getting upset when they didn't comply with demands they never agreed to meet.

Because I am harbouring a fear that remains unchecked.

This isn't about blame, it's about power.

When I locate the source of my disturbance in my own expectations and stories, I suddenly have something I can actually do about it.

I can't control how people interact with me, but I can work with my own reactions.

There's no scenario where I get to control other people's responses. But there is a scenario where I stop making their responses mean something about me.

Why This Matters Beyond Instagram

This principle applies everywhere:

• when your teenager doesn't clean their room the way you asked,

• when your partner doesn't show appreciation the way you prefer,

• when your boss doesn't acknowledge your work the way you expected.

But the real issue isn't their behaviour it's that we're trying to control outcomes we have no power over.

The peace we're seeking isn't found in getting people to behave the way we want. It's found in releasing our rigid expectations of how things "should" be.

The next time you find yourself disturbed by someone's response or lack thereof, ask yourself:

• What rule did they break that I never told them about?

• What story am I telling myself about their intention?

• How am I making this about my feelings being agreeable to me, the most important thing in this moment?

You might just find that the peace you've been seeking was there all along, waiting for you to stop demanding that the world rearrange itself to meet your expectations.

Amanda x

🔒 Behind the Paywall: Soundtracks for Slowing Down

In keeping with this week's theme of just being instead of constantly doing, I'm sharing the instrumental albums and playlists that have been my companions through recovery, which enhance my creativity and holds me in those moments when I need to remember that I'm enough without adding anything more.

Read more

This month, for some reason, I have been in full on action mode. I didn’t sit down at any point and say this month, I’m going to DO shit, I just started doing shit and well… now shit is happening and it’s great!

So, what’s going down, you ask? Well let me declare…

I joined two networks: Ignite Business Network and the Professional Speaking Association.

Side note, last week’s podcast episode was a conversation with Ignite founder and Networking Architect Jean Evans on networking as a form of resourcing (I believe everything can be applied to recovery)

You can listen here:

The PSA put a call out for a showcase speaker for their July event in Dublin and I put myself forward, which is honestly a bit scary but it has also motivated me to come off the sidelines & put myself back in the arena, after a long time out on spiritual sick leave / burnout.

I’m also experiencing an action led shift in my recovery this month, which I share about below along with photos & stories from my recent solo trip to Budapest.

I’VE LAUNCHED A NEW OFFER!

At last month’s PSA speaking event, president Michelle Mills-Porter really challenged me.

You can listen to me discuss this with her on the podcast here:

She had us do an exercise where we identified the value we could bring to the group and I'll be honest, that moment sent me into a a bit of a spiral, but it also planted a seed.

Two weeks later, I came off the second of two separate calls with colleagues to whom I had offered to bring my creative problem solving skills to their respective challenges.

One was a fellow therapeutic practitioner confused about her branding. The other was a solopreneur wanting to start a podcast but not having the first clue where to start with the technology & workflow.

Over the years, I have had many of these brainstorming sessions with friends and colleagues & have helped several of them have breakthroughs in terms of creative direction and/or identity.

That's when it hit me: Ehm, this is valuable!

So I'm officially launching The Collaboration Sessions: 90-minute intensives where I partner with you to see new possibilities in whatever challenge you’re facing.

Whether you're an artist trying to understand your own work, a writer wanting to get started on a creative project, a coach struggling with your messaging, or anyone feeling stuck, scattered or confused - I'm here for you!

Click below to learn more and maybe book a session!

Putting Money Where My Values Are

I got this email last week

While that's not why I'm making this announcement, it did crystallise something I've been sitting with for months.

It feels almost impossible to do business right now without some sense that you're contributing to the problem, whether through the platforms you use, the silence you keep, or the inadequacy of whatever response you can muster to unfathomable suffering.

I have deep respect for those raising awareness, protesting and sharing what's happening in Gaza, that work is vital and necessary.

But I know myself well enough to recognise that I just don't have the nervous system capacity to show up in that particular way.

Yet staying silent, frozen or looking away feels equally wrong.

So I've been quietly asking for guidance on how I can do my small part meaningfully. The answer that came: use this platform's earnings to support grassroots organisations doing real work.

So, I reached out to my former client Besan Abu Joudeh, co-founder of Build Palestine, for advice on where a modest donation could do the most good right now.

She recommended the Middle East Children's Alliance, which has local partnerships and is actively distributing aid in Gaza.

So here's what I'm implementing: Every six months, I'll donate 10% of that period’s subscription revenue to organisations aligned with our values.

To begin, I’ve donated $125 to MECA - exactly 10% of what this newsletter has earned since launching paid subscriptions in February of this year.

Going forward, this practice will support various aligned causes- Palestinian relief, women's aid, arts funding.

I hope this goes some way to helping you feel that your subscription, while greatly appreciated, isn't just supporting my work; it's making a broader positive impact.

And if you’d like to contribute, you can do so below. Obviously, the more paying subscribers I have, the more I can donate.

This isn't about performing activism or making grand gestures. The reality is that all platforms and technologies are problematic on some level and perfect moral purity is practically impossible; but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to do good where we can.

Recovery On Tour: “Something” Happened In Budapest

Some months feel like slow progress. Others feel like everything you've been working toward finally clicks into place.

June was one of those months.

I started the month ready to quit my recovery program entirely. I ended it having my first real spiritual experience, meeting my higher power (I call her Eabha) and having breakthrough moments that have been nearly a decade in the making.

When Everything Clicks Into Place

The rest of this story contains vulnerable reflections on recovery breakthroughs, spiritual awakening and the messy reality of nearly 10 years trying to get food sober.

I share my most intimate recovery moments with paid subscribers as a way of honouring both the depth of what I'm offering and the boundaries I need around this level of personal sharing.

If these kinds of honest conversations about recovery resonate with you, I'd love to have you join the community supporting this work.

Read more